Tangible Minds™

Katt's situation can be summed up in her statement, "I always have the same response to doing something wrong." On July 31, we talked about this pattern for about an hour. My job in this conversation was simply to listen well, to help Katt identify specific feeling states that were part of the pattern. These are some of my notes.

• The feeling accompanying doing something wrong is shame.
• She had to look her boss in the eye and tell her about the mistake she made, which had the consequence of delaying receipt of a sizeable payment. Katt's thoughts were, "Trust in me is shaken." This snowballs into, "I'm not going to be able to get ahead; they'll give me less responsibility; I'm not the prized employee any more."
• This is a problem because "I shut down." It looks like I'm taking it out on them. It's me punishing myself by withdrawing, disconnecting, like cutting off the life force. They wonder why I'm taking it out on them. It damages my relationships with key people.
• The withdrawal triggers sadness/depression about myself, feeling sorry for myself. Then I get angry – "What did I do wrong anyway? Why can't I just climb out of this?"
• I realize there's something in there for me to look at; I take the time to sit and listen and feel better about what I learned and what's important. The feeling of this is essence, something of my essence in looking at this.
• I want more respect from my boss, more of a commitment to the creative process of finding solutions, a commitment to learning. That's the kind of boss I am, I want that from my own boss. When I don't get that, I feel extreme frustration.
• Shame leads to "what I value in myself has no place here." I disconnect.
• Not believing in myself leads to despair.
• Also fear, "how can I expect them to believe in me if I don't?"

These notes gave us eight feeling states to start with. I was confident we would clarify their relationships better, and most likely uncover at least one more key feeling, by getting started with the mapping.